A Self Care Lifebouy; The Necessary Art of Looking After Yourself

Self Care Red and white lifebouy

“Self Care is important.” “Look after yourself first”.  Who listens to those words?

With trauma, complex needs, brain injury – more not less self care is needed.

‘Self care.’ Those words will have many running from the page already. Declarations of “I don’t need this.” “I know how to look after myself thanks.” Yet it is important – for people living with brain injury, for family, and for supporters.

In my experience family members often know it is important but can’t find time to do it. People living with brain injury are too busy surviving each day. And rarely do supporters/ workers feel the need to look after themselves.

Training sessions for professionals and support workers about “Self Care” were poorly attended. At sessions when asked what brought people to a self care session the response was often that the person was sent by their boss.  Or “I can look after myself” “I do exercise every day I’m fine”   “I am supporting X they are much more important than me.”

Yet once we started discussing a model for self care all kinds of needs came pouring out.

 

A Small Disclaimer:
The focus in this article is for supporters: professionals, support workers and volunteers. This is not to exclude anyone else visiting here. My hope is that everyone might find something useful, and that no one is offended by what follows. It is more that there are slightly differing needs and approaches for family, people living with brain injury and supporters.

 

Why Talk about Self Care When No-One Wants to Listen?

Over the years I have seen all kinds of people (including myself) get themselves in a pickle because they lose sight of their own health and welfare.

I have seen way too many good people leave the area of brain injury because they went too long without caring for themselves.

People with brain injury and their families want, and need people who are on their game,

– experienced and able to be great supporters

– and people who can keep themselves in good working order!

 

I am hoping some of you will read past the title, continue on reading here, and hopefully get something from this.

 

The Lifebouy Self Care Model

Self care drawing red and white lifebouy with rope attachedThis is not the ‘self care’ of – “stop and smell the roses” type.

It is more a way of looking at a whole and complete plan to care for yourself and then others safely.

The Lifebouy is a useful way to think about what you need to maintain your health and wellbeing.

A way to keep yourself healthy and afloat.

Now I know this is the written word here but in case we ever talk together about this – I just have to mention spoken word. I know some of you say “life-boooey” – well I say “life-boy” – it all depends where you live! Glad we cleared that up!

 

Think about what a lifebuoy does –

It keeps us buoyant; floating.

It gives us something to hang on to.

It reminds us help is at hand.

It can be a life-line thrown in to save you.

 

 

So A Lifebouy Self Care Model reminds you –

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  • I need to look after myself BEFORE I need the lifeline thrown to me.
  • A good balance is needed to keep “afloat”.
  • A lifebouy can help when a strong, portable framework is needed. Even more so when:you are in an isolated situation without colleagues or supervisor around.you are supporting people who have had traumatic life experiences.
  • I need to be vigilant in understanding the possible impact of what I am doing on my well being.
  • Understanding how to keep myself afloat – lifebouy or not.

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Keys to the Lifebouy of Self Care

Imagine the lifebuoy is divided in  4 parts. Each quarter is to help you find balanced self care:

1 Understand your role and how it impacts on you.

2 Develop safe boundaries for yourself and others.

3 Work within an ethical framework.

4 Have a care plan for yourself. One that meets all your needs: physical, social, emotional, spiritual, psychological.

 

Self care Cartoon brown owl with white face holding a computer1 Understand your role

This is deeper than just a job description. Really think about what you do and the potential impact on you – on you personally and those around you.

Looking at factors such as:

Why you are there?

Being a supporter for a person who has violent behaviours might impact differently on you than supporting a person with memory difficulties.

Why are you in this role?

You might have taken the role of a support worker because you needed money, without understanding the full role.

How do others see your role? Does this impact on you?

Billy sees that you are there to do whatever he wishes, without pause, and without thanks. Eventually you might begin to feel resentful and exhausted.

What values and beliefs do you hold that underpin your role?

“I believe in caring and helping.” “I believe in encouraging others to do for themselves.” – These two views might have a different impact on a supporter. A person who wants to be “caring and  helping, ” might do more than is OK which can put pressure on their energy and safe boundaries.

What are the qualities you need to be a “good” supporter in your role? What impact could these qualities have on you?

You need to maintain a person’s privacy and confidentiality therefore you cannot talk about work and debrief in the same way a person working in a shop might. This might build stress.

How does  the environment you are in affect your self care?

A rural, isolated, setting might mean more responsibility – less support – more stress, than if you worked in a well supported city program.

 

How might your role impact on you and your ability to carry out your role and to care for yourself?

The qualities and role required can open you to challenges that create stress and reduce your ability to look after care yourself.

You might feel tension if you are caught between the needs of a person with brain injury, and/or their family members, and/or your employer.

Often the risk is higher than other environments but you become less aware of the risks you are facing: physical risks such as lifting and moving a person. abusive behaviour.

Health issues may result if the tension and challenges continue unchecked.

 

How can understanding your role promote safety, wellbeing and reduce stress?

Carefully understanding your role and the way you carry it out can highlight the skills and knowledge you need to fulfil your role and care for yourself.

By raising, and maintaining your awareness of all aspects of your role, you can better monitor how this impacts on yourself and others.

Recognizing the qualities you need and bring to your support role can help you see how these might impact on the work you are doing. This can help you find a safe balance.

Minimize stress arising from challenges to your values by being clear about your values, and when your values are challenged.

 

Self Care silver coloured wood fence with grass and trees 2 Develop Safe Boundaries

Maintaining safe and professional boundaries when working with ‘human beans’ is an important part of self care.

Even more important when working with people who have complex needs: people who have had traumatic experiences, people with severe brain injury. This can raise many challenges for supporters including:

– being in range of intimate situations not usual for strangers e.g. helping a person to shower, toilet, or bathe.

– conflict over who has the right to make decisions.

– being privy to confidential information that creates conflict for you  – what do you share with whom and when.

– requests or demands for support and services that are not part of your role.

 

How can safe boundaries promote safety, wellbeing and reduce stress?

Developing a safe and consistent way of managing safe boundaries provides clear direction for you, and for the people you support.

You are clear on where the line is drawn. Where it is safe to cross or not and by how far.

It removes stress; everyone is clear on what is OK and what is not.

 

Self Care female statue draped in white holding scales of justice. Blue sky behind3 Work Within an Ethical Framework

Another important part of the framework to assist care for yourself is to understand, and use, a set of Ethical standards to guide your decisions and actions.

In brief an Ethical Framework provides guidance:

• For knowing “The right thing to do”

• That protects people involved legally and morally.

• Guidance as to what is expected & appropriate.

 

An ethical framework needs to be derived from values and belief systems. More is written about ethics and brain injury in a series of 3 articles:

E is for Ethics and Ethical Dilemmnas

Ethical Dilemma and Brain Injury

Building an Ethical Framework for Brain Injury

 

Self Care two hands with cardiograph line forming heart in centre4 A Plan to Care for Your Whole Self

Understanding the physical, emotional, psychological, social and spiritual impact on you is an important aspect of keeping safe, and maintaining your health and wellbeing.

Better to know the signs of “uncare”  or stress– the signs that you have not taken care of yourself – BEFORE it becomes an issue. Knowing your signs of increasing stress – drinking that extra wine, becoming sick, having heart palpitations.

Understand what sustains you and also what harms you physically, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually.  Building more of what sustains you and reduce what depletes you into your life.

Plan to meet your own needs, and build your own capacity. A a critical part of the framework of the lifebouy self care model.  Like they say in airline safety demos – take care of yourself before taking care of others. This gives a better chance of everyone surviving.

Self care needs a holistic and balanced approach: a plan that includes your physical, social, spiritual and emotional / psychological needs –  in a way that is meaningful to you.

As a starting point consider this Self Care Assessment developed by Saakvitne, K.W. & Pearlman, A. (1996). Transforming the Pain: A Workbook on Vicarious Traumatization

[box type=”info” size=”large” border=”full”]Self Care Assessment[/box]

 

And Finally

More to come on the Lifebouy Self Care Model and the very necessary art of caring for yourself. I hope this starter gives you some ideas to think about.

What do you think? What has worked for you?