Finding your Voice as a Brain Injury Supporter

Finding your voice
Finding your voice

“Finding your voice.” Writers do it. Actors do it. Singers do it. Bloggers do it. Brain injury supporters do it.

Wait… do they  – why would they? What has finding your voice got to do with supporting a person with brain injury?

I had not really thought about it in this way before. I got to thinking about “our voice” being the way we communicate: our words, expression, body language, tone, the way in which we present ourselves.

This thinking all began when I decided I wanted to establish a blog, well this blog actually! Knowing very little about online communication I began to learn all I could. In my reading I discovered there was a lot about “finding your voice”; one that can be heard amongst the 156million+ other voices out there. One that is authentic and your own.

That might sound simple, and maybe for some lucky writers it is. I have spent (and continue to spend) many thoughtful hours, with many words published and deleted, writing and over writing, trying to find the right voice.

Throughout this time it occurred to me that this was similar to when I first began working with people who had brain injury- finding a voice that was me, and that was effective in assisting others.

What a voice can do:

We mostly communicate without even thinking. So why am I talking about this? If it happens automatically why should you bother thinking about the right voice at all?

To answer that question think about what your voice is capable of doing.

A voice can escalate, or calm difficult situations; a voice can change behaviour; a voice can encourage trust; a voice can enthuse or dampen spirits; it can soothe, teach, advocate and so much more. If our voice can do all, this maybe we should think about it as a part of what we have to successfully assist people with brain injury.

Be aware of the impact your voice can have and use it effectively.

This is more than just communicating as we normally do. It needs more thought than that. It needs us to be conscious and aware of our own voice, of what we are saying and how.

Our voice needs to be an effective part of our strategy and we need to review it as we do other strategies.

Not long ago a friend explained to me that he had noted people’s voices often raised an octave when speaking to someone who has a disability, or a person who was different to ourselves.  I thought about this and became more aware: I am embarrassed to confess I noticed I do that!  It is not talking louder, just raising the pitch of your voice a bit and I was doing it unconsciously. It had the effect of sounding a bit patronising and treating people more like children.

It reminded me that we need to be prepared to examine our own communication and attitudes and make sure our voice is valuing not belittling.

Finding a voice that fits you:

There are many things to think about when building our “voice”. It’s a bit like our clothes it needs to fit us the situation we are in. Some things to think about when finding a voice that fits well are that it needs to:

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  1. Be comfortable and natural for you.
  2. Fit with your background and personality.
  3. Fit with the person you are supporting. You might need to adjust your voice according to the age and stage of each person, and the circumstances you are in.
  4. Enable you to support a person in a meaningful and appropriate way.
  5. Be respectful, confident, encouraging, positive, and understanding.
  6. Your voice needs to confidently manage all situations so you might need different voices for different situations: a stronger voice when advocating, a gentler voice when dealing with grief – always calm and clear.
  7. Be based on a set of principles or beliefs to guide the right voice. The B’s was an example of a set of principles HERE.

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Finding the right balance:

I got a surprise as a newcomer to blogging that I had to really practice and work to find the right voice.  We need do this to when supporting people – practice, review and adjust our communication, seeking the right balance.It was not as easy as I thought to find that balance:

  • of giving information without sounding pompous, patronising and preachy.
  • of informality and friendliness, without seeming flippant.
  • of what is meaningful, not just words for words sake.
  • a voice that says we are in this together there are no experts we learn from each other.

This is more than just speaking as we normally would; it needs more thought than that. It needs us to be conscious and aware of our own voice.

A friend explained to me one day that he had noted people’s voices often raised an octave when speaking to someone who has a disability, or who is different.  I became more aware of this and I am embarrassed to confess I noticed I do that!  It is not so much talking louder, (though that is another caution) it is more just raising the pitch of your voice a bit.  I was doing it unconsciously. It had the effect of sounding a bit patronising and childish. It reminded me that we need to be prepared to examine our own communication and attitudes and make sure our voice is valuing not belittling.

Finding your voice takes practice, awareness, self examination.

So  I began to think that finding your voice when supporting a person with brain injury might sound silly, but it can make quite a difference.

Then I got to thinking it is not just we as supporters finding our voice.

Everyone is finding their voice.

For a person living with brain injury, life has changed, and they are now different – they are finding a new voice.

Families are learning about the changes in their family member, and the changes to their roles and lives. They are finding their voice.

And for those of us supporting people with brain injury we are have so many questions:

  • How do we support a person appropriately?
  • How do we talk to people with brain injury and their families?
  • What is OK to say, and what is not OK?
  • How do we say things in the right way?
  • How do we say things that help a person be successful?

We are finding our voice.

We can support families and people with brain injury to find their voice.

People with brain injury talk and their families have talked about picking up insincerity, indifference, patronising attitudes or people trying to be what they are not. Supporters doing this can find themselves not respected, not being listened to, getting into difficulty when what they say or do does not seem truthful and real.

 

5 TIPS TO HELP FIND THE RIGHT “VOICE” :

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  • Be yourself – be natural. Your voice needs to be really you, sincere, real, authentic.
  • Be respectful.
  • Maintain a voice that is calm, confident and considerate.
  • Match your voice to the needs of the person and the situation.
  • Adjust your speech to ensure it is easily understood but not patronising.

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I would value your thoughts on this topic of “voice” and any ideas and experiences you would like to share.