What if we changed our thinking?
What if we focussed more on what a person could be contributing after brain injury? Rather than what’s going wrong and what help is needed?
Today I am going to indulge an idea I have nurtured for a long time. The idea of supporting people living with brain injury who wish to give, or contribute to find a way.
It has been prompted by the giving frenzy that accompanies many people celebrating Christmas, and an article in DailyGood. The topic on DailyGood that caught my eye was “The Neuroscience of Why Gratitude Makes Us Healthier”. The article talks about how doing good, and being thankful can impact our health – in a good way.
We hear how giving and contributing are good for us. How it helps build communities. Generally we humans like to be, and to feel, useful. Mostly we get a kick out of doing something for others.
[box size=”large” style=”rounded” border=”full”]I remember a story related to me by a man whose life began in a poor community. He recalled that whenever he, or one of his siblings, was feeling lacklustre his mother would say “You look peeky (unwell) go and help someone.” This mother clearly understood the benefits of contributing and doing good.[/box]
Most of us are not so comfortable on the receiving end of help, of receiving gratitude and generosity. We hear how “it is better to give than receive”. Yet when we are “doing good” we can forget it is not always so comfortable on the receiving end. And people who significant difficulty after brain injury are often on the receiving rather than giving end.
The Idea of Contributing after Brain Injury
So here is my idea – if someone is needing quite a bit of help or support – say a person with significant difficulty because of brain injury – can any sense of helplessness, reliance on others and “receiving” be changed by finding out how that person could, and wishes to, contribute?
A light bulb moment, long-remembered, was a workshop in the 1990’s by Jaap Van Der Haar, who was presenting his work in a program for people with drug addiction in the Netherlands.
The light bulb moment was when Yaap described 4 questions people entering the program were asked. While I confess I have forgotten the first three. The question I remember clearly was the fourth question:
“When you leave here what are you going to contribute to your community?”
OK, so you might not be as jolted as I was, but it seemed revolutionary to me. Not just for people struggling with addiction, but people in all kinds of situations, particularly when they are reliant on others for support, or marginalised from their community.
Instead of (or as well as) all the stuff about: What’s going wrong? What support is needed? What problems do we need to fix? People are people we can all contribute.
What would happen, if there was a strong focus on looking at:
“What do you want to contribute to your community?”
And then working hard to make it happen.
I am not talking here about ‘return to work’ or day programs, or activity programs. I am talking about what a person wants to contribute to their world. Small or huge. Local or global. The stuff that makes you feel good and helps you belong somewhere.
If you are reading this and you know of examples, or you have already implemented my revolutionary idea! It would be fantastic to hear about them in the Comments section below or please write to me HERE.
The Brain and Giving
Not only might communities and people benefit, brains and health benefit.You can find studies and articles outlining the benefits of giving and helping. A recent article in the Wall Street Journal, “Hard-Wired for Giving” describes a number of studies around giving.
The article is based on a the book “What Makes a Hero? The Surprising Science of Selflessness,” by Elizabeth Svoboda. I have not read the book but the article describes how brain studies such as MRI have enabled a more detailed study of what happens we give.
[box]“Dr. Harbaugh’s study indicated that giving to charity is, surprisingly, neurologically similar to ingesting an addictive drug or learning you’ve received a winning lottery ticket.”[/box]
So maybe giving and contributing can benefit our feeling of well-being without side-effects.
In addition to the study of giving the article talks about how the benefits of this research may help a person who is not able to empathise (such as after brain injury) relearn some skills.
An alternative view is presented in an article in Psychology Today “Giving to Charities; Science or Adam and Eve?” by Mack R. Hicks arguing that giving behaviours and being generous is learned rather than a brain function.
Either way the end argument is that giving and contributing benefits us, and those around us.
Giving and the 15,000,000 Who Were Interested:
If you doubt giving is important give some thought to the following advertisement from Thailand “Giving is the Best Form of Communication” – over 15 million views on YouTube and 769,000 search results.
If “giving” is not the draw card why is it so popular?
Tips and Suggestions
Here are 4 starting out Tips and Suggestions to assist a person with contributing after brain injury:
- With, or without a brain injury, giving and contributing is possible. Look for ways no matter how many challenges a person faces, or how marginalised a person is from their community.
- Think about how you, and the people involved with a person could ask about, then action the question “What will you contribute?” Make it successful. Make it real.
- The way each person wishes to contribute will be different. It may or may not fit with your view of the world, there might be cultural or religious differences. Acknowledge, accept and find a way.
- Look at the many forms of giving and contributing. This article“After brain injury: Five ways to Give the Gift of Gratitude” “ by Janet Cromer in Psychology Today gives some practical tips about gratitude, another form of giving, after brain injury. Suggestions such as remembering it is never too late to say Thankyou.
And Finally:
Firstly, this is not a scientific presentation on the benefits of contributing and giving. It is a rambling introduction to the idea of contributing after brain injury. It is a starter to thinking about encouraging contribution and giving.
Oh, and it might even be a revolutionary idea I have started. Yet I am very prepared to hear, and yes I would WELCOME the discovery that my idea is not so revolutionary and that examples are blossoming around the world.
This is so important. We need to take note of how “Illegals” have become illegals as if that is the only thing that they are. A good way to start is to put some effort into being a brother or an uncle. These are roles we already have.
John that is such a great reminder. Once someone is labelled as anything negative it is so much harder to find contributing roles.
How to contribute after my brain injury took me about 7 years. Not that I was lazy, just didn’t know how. The first 7 years was really getting my life back together, the last 3 years has been to contribute to new survivor’s and their families trying to navigate into their new life. The interesting thing for me was finding that the rehab center I had my therapy sessions in, had a brain injury support group. Seems that the center started that group a year after my final therapy session. I went there to “meet & see” the group wondering if “maybe” that was something I could attend all the time. After I went to maybe 3 meetings, I knew I found a great place. Why did I think about joining a support group? To give back to all people who volunteered to help my recovery during that first 1 year.
Sorry, that the brain injury support group meetings have many “regular” members attending as well, and we help each others during the meetings. And I forgot say I also work with my states brain injury association as a speaker.
Richard thank you for sharing different ways you have been contributing and giving back. The point you make about the time it takes is a good one, sometimes it seems things will never change but it often takes time, lots of time.